


Alright

by kindofeverybody



Category: Grey's Anatomy
Genre: Death, F/M, Sad, Songfic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-25
Updated: 2015-04-25
Packaged: 2018-03-25 17:32:58
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,139
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3818974
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kindofeverybody/pseuds/kindofeverybody
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Songfic about Meredith's feelings after she heard about Derek's death.</p>
<p>Song: Wish You Well by Katie Herzig<br/>Copyright goes to Katie Herzig for the lyrics of the song and to Shonda for the characters and the storyline.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Alright

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first Grey's Anatomy fanfiction ever! I apologize for any mistakes, grammatical or in regard to the story. I would appreciate it if you would tell me so I can fix them.  
> I didn't watch the scene where he dies so I wrote around it.  
> English also isn't my first language so it is possible that I spelled some words wrong or that some phrases don't make sense.   
> Okay, now enjoy!

I'm sitting in on the ground, my hands are wrapped around my legs, pressing them closer to my body. My eyes stare into the distance, nowhere specific. There are no tears dropping out of them, not anymore. I don't have any tears left.   
I have no idea how long I'm already sitting here, it could be hours or only minutes since I heared it. Since I lost control over my body and over my emotions. Since I was told that he is dying in just that moment. I feel numb, unable to move or talk. 

I, I want to wish you well  
I didn’t watch you go  
Cause I suppose I don’t know how

I should be there with him, sitting next to him, holding his hand. He must be terrified and in so much pain. I should be there for him just like I promised. But I can't. I can't bare the sight of his precious, injuried body lying in this huge, white bed and all those machines around him, keeping him alive. It's weird, I should be used to such sights. But I guess it's different if the person, laying there is the love of your life.

I, I will remember you  
Not the way you left but how you lived  
And what you knew

My body starts to shiver and memories flash through my head. Happy memories. Scenes of our first meeting, the feeling of his warm skin as we first shook hands. His face has practically burned its way into my brain. It's a happy face with a beaming smile and those cute wrinkles around the eyes. It doesn't look at all like the face, which is laying in the hospital bed at the moment.   
But I try to push that picture of the broken Derek Sheperd away and think back of the time I adored him for being a brilliant neurosurgeon. For being a brilliant teacher. He taught me a lot, not only medical knowledge but how to handle people. I have never been good at that.  
A small, tortured noise escapes my mouth. I will never forget the brilliant, immortially happy neurosurgeon who won my heart in a second.

I, I want to feel your hands  
I want to feel your fire burning  
Right from where I stand

Another memory comes to my mind and I manage to smile the tiniest smile. The scene of our first kiss and of our first time plays in my head. What would I give to feel these hands against my sink one more time, to feel his hot breath against my neck and his soft lips against mine. Oh what would I give to fall asleep in his arms just one more time. His touches could be sweet and soft, soothing and comforting but also passionate and arousing, making my heart skip a beat and my breath quicken. 

I’ll find my way  
Cause you showed me how

He always told me that I'll be okay. That I'll move on. And he was right, he always was. I will be alright, I will move on, somehow. I survived a lot of things. But right now I don't have any idea of how I am supposed to live on. Of how I'm supposed to go on like nothing happened.

I, I want to know it’s you  
When I hear your voice inside my head  
Inside my room  
I, want to touch the sky  
I want to see the stars twinkle   
Like they were your eyes

I lean my head back against the metal drawer behind me and close my eyes. His voice echoes in my mind and I suddenly think of Izzie. Did she feel like this when she started to see Denny? His voice is soft and with this hint of a chuckle inside of it. And his mouth is smiling. A smile that reaches up to his eyes and fills them with joy and hope. I always found hope in those eyes, in those sparkling eyes. 

I’ll find my way  
You showed me  
I’ll find my way  
Cause you showed me how

I want to tell myself that I will be okay. That I'll be able to be happy again, I just have to wait. Time heals, they say. But I am not sure if I can believe myself.   
He always told me that everything will be okay. He held me, kissed my head and listened to my crying explanations of what happened. And then he told me that everything will turn out fine. He was always right. 

I, I want to smell your scent  
I want to breathe the air I did before  
Before you left

I breathe in sharply, to get more oxygen so that I can think more clearly. I don't want to stop the memories from flashing through my head. It's like I can smell his scent. This light scent of his hair and his warm skin.   
I take another deep breath. I don't ever want to forget this smell. It comforts be. It means home. But I feel like I suddenly became homeless and the air around me suddenly feels thicker. I start to take in short and heavy breaths, I feel like the air will choke me and I get up as fast as I can, running out of the room and through the long floors of the hospital. Finally I push the door open that leads me into the cold air and I take deep breaths, my hands on my knees.

I, I want to wish you well  
The only reason my heart beats  
Is cause you showed it how  
I’ll find my way  
You show me  
I’ll find my way  
You show me  
I’ll find my way  
Cause you showed me how  
You show me how  
You showed me how

I know that he made me a better human being. I know that he brought out sides of me, not even I knew there were. All I ever achieved in my career and all the successes I experienced, were caused by him.   
My lungs burn but I can breathe clearly now. I know what I have to do and I turn around, running once again through the silent corridors until I stop in front of a wooden door. I suddenly forget how to breathe and my sweaty palms are pressed against my legs. But I close my eyes and straighten my shoulders, before I grab the door handle and enter the room.   
I will be there for him, like he always was for me. I will be there, to hold his hand, to stroke his thumb and to tell him that everything will be fine. I will be there to tell him that I love him and to tell him that it's alright. That I will be alright.


End file.
